A thousand times I’ve thought about this post; a hundred times I’ve tried to write it. I have had difficulty finding the words is the issue, my thoughts centering on an emotion I can’t seem to describe.
And then late last week as I was on a walk and listening to an audiobook, I was struck by a passage in the tiny read Seven Brief Lessons on Physics. (I know. I know!) I stopped to play it again and again. Cosmology was the general topic of that particular lesson, and as Theoretical Physicist Carlo Rovelli described the science of the heat of a black hole I thought: Yes. There it is, my emotion. Boundless, spaceless, absolutely incomprehensible. Rovelli is far more eloquent on the topic than I, but he writes of a black hole as a celestial formation with so much power it collapses in on itself and concentrates further and further and further until it has reached its strongest essence. Then, it begins to regenerate.
It is the closest I can come to describing the nature of the emotion I feel as the mother of a daughter who is suddenly grown and marrying her love this very weekend. Preparing has been, for both of us, a time of immense joy and celebration. And still there is so much more, such a grand surround that I simply did not expect. I feel my own mother with every moment, every choice, every laugh and worry and decision made. She is in and around and with me, more so than at any time since her death in 2013. I think of my own lovely wedding to Eliza’s dad all those years ago, how my mother was the force behind it all, how the love and gratitude I feel toward her now for all she did then holds its own boundlessness, its own spaceless energy. How marvelous it is, I realize, that in this life, the vision of a mother reshapes in her daughter with the distance and perspective of time. With space. Time and space.
As to my daughter. She is far more thoughtful and sophisticated and grounded than I was at her age, and I stand in awe of the grace and strength with which she has moved through the past few months. She has held hard to joy and to love while facing heartbreaking loss, something that has been too much for either of us to fully process, much less articulate. We will hold that for another day.
For now I’ll simply suggest there is a force equally as profound as quantum mechanics or the theory of relativity or the complex architecture of the universe. It is the throughline that connects mothers and daughters, generation to generation to generation.
It is the force, my friends, that holds this world together.
*The little book, which I highly recommend, is Seven Brief Lessons on Physics by Theoretical Physicist Carlo Rovelli
You precisely put into words how it feels to be the MOB! There is such immense joy that it is hard to quantify, and yet, we so deeply miss those who can only join us in Spirit. I hope you don’t mind if I share this with my daughter and one day, with my granddaughter, Peyton.
I never expected a little book on physics (who would choose that for an audiobook, but I digress) to accurately describe what I, too, felt when Sally got married and with each wedding of our girls. It was a beautiful day filled with love and joy. Eliza was gorgeous. Preston was beaming. And the MOB? Fireworks! Our girls are women. But is it ok if I always call them “our girls?”
So beautifully said! The love between a mother and daughter is one of God’s greatest gifts to mothers! The love Eliza and Preston have for each other was evident on their wedding day. I know they felt the love on both sides of the aisle as they said their I Do’s. Bush and I felt very blessed to be there to witness their commitment to each other. That was a wonderful night that they will remember and cherish forever!??
No question marks at the end!???
So beautifully said Cathy. One day Eliza will be reflecting on this time spent with you as her own child marries. Jan
Deeply loving sentiments! Thank you for sharing.
…the vision of a mother reshapes in her daughter with the distance and perspective of time…Cathy, what a grand description of something I’ve seen and felt for many years. You are a master, my dear. Sending unbridled joy and love!
Love this :). So very happy for y’all
It will not surprise you that tears are streaming down my face as I reply. You and Eliza have a beautiful mother daughter bond that will only strengthen year after year. XOXO
I generally assume I have no use for (or understanding of) physics, but I just might have to get the book. Will be thinking of you and your daughter on the big day. God, I’ve missed so many wedding cakes this year!
What a loving tribute to Posey. Rest assured she is taking it ALL in??????
Your most awesomust post yet…I know, not a word!!! Enjoy, relax and relish the weekend! Congratulations to all!
Is it possible to look even more forward to this event??
That was supposed to be a heart Cathy! I love this! Please tell Eliza I’m thinking of her and sending love and prayers for a joyous day and many years to come!
No words. Thank you for sharing YOU so seflessly, so deeply. I’m thinking of you this week, and especially over the weekend, as your precious daughter is married. May God’s blessings shower all of you! And may Eliza and her husband enjoy beginning this new journey together. Sending much love!
Blessings especially to you and Eliza on this God filled day.
This is an awesome and descriptive way to describe your emotions during this time. I reflect on my similar feelings when I was the MOB and you have expertly captured them. You know more about physics than you ever knew!! Hugs