1. There will be a fight.
2. There’s a 20 percent chance the fight will occur when choosing the tree.
3. 100 percent of trees change size between the tree lot and the living room.
4. There’s a 70 percent chance the fight will occur when stringing the lights.
5. There is a right way to string the lights. And there are lots and lots of wrong ways.
6. There is a 10 percent chance the fight will occur when hanging the ornaments.
7. He will never care as much as you do about the story behind that ornament.
8. No matter what type of hook you use, 80 percent of ornaments will hang backwards.
9. The entire tree decorating experience is enhanced with carefully chosen Christmas music.
10. Cocktails, likewise, add a festive aire. They serve to release tension and improve attitudes, particularly when well spiked. Purists choose Egg Nog, but in my house the official sponsor of tree-decking is the White Russian.
11. There is a 90 percent chance the entire family will disappear as soon as the first box of ornaments is empty.
There is no reason to fret about this.
12. There’s a 100 percent chance she’ll move half the ornaments they placed, anyway.
Joys of the season to you and yours!