1. There will be a fight.
2. There’s a 20 percent chance the fight will occur when choosing the tree.
3. 100 percent of trees change size between the tree lot and the living room.
4. There’s a 70 percent chance the fight will occur when stringing the lights.
5. There is a right way to string the lights. And there are lots and lots of wrong ways.
6. There is a 10 percent chance the fight will occur when hanging the ornaments.
7. He will never care as much as you do about the story behind that ornament.
8. No matter what type of hook you use, 80 percent of ornaments will hang backwards.
9. The entire tree decorating experience is enhanced with carefully chosen Christmas music.
10. Cocktails, likewise, add a festive aire. They serve to release tension and improve attitudes, particularly when well spiked. Purists choose Egg Nog, but in my house the official sponsor of tree-decking is the White Russian.
11. There is a 90 percent chance the entire family will disappear as soon as the first box of ornaments is empty.
There is no reason to fret about this.
12. There’s a 100 percent chance she’ll move half the ornaments they placed, anyway.
Joys of the season to you and yours!
Our choice of adult libations during tree trimming has always been Vueve Cliqot. Of course, there will be no tree this year–all the children are gone and it is Bill’s last call before retirement. Bittersweet.
Please don’t ask me how he talked me into putting up TWO trees this year. We got them in the stands and into the house without getting a divorce. Now, the lights.
So true! Though my family barely makes it through the first box of ornaments.
And it takes two days to get the tree sap off your hands.
100 percent accurate!!!! Happy Hall Decking!!!! Love you!
66% of these “truths” were in play at our house this year.
Hilarious! And, so true. This year, I got my sister to decorate the tree with me (Wil’s preferred choice. Sisters care more about things like that.) while Deacon supervised from his bouncy seat (no choice). : )